Dear Young Me

The Dear Young Me exercise I mentioned in my previous post.

This photo was taken right before I started wearing glasses.  For a child who was already self-conscious, I was horrified by the idea of having to wear glasses for the rest of my life.  As a 10-year-old, that seems like such a terribly long time and quite a cross to bear. It affected everything I did…I played basketball and softball then, but the glasses made all of that more challenging. I don’t know if that’s the entire reason I stopped playing sports, but it surely played into the decision, however unconsciously. How could I (swim, ride a horse, wear makeup, etc.) with glasses?

I spent a lot of time trying so very hard to fit in. I was afraid to be myself. Afraid of being judged and found to be less than. I have always placed the blame for that firmly on my father’s family and their treatment of me as a child. So many memories of tears and shame at their hands. My mom’s family spent all their time working to undo the damage, but it’s much easier to believe the bad in yourself. If only I could have learned by example to walk away from the haters instead of letting them get under my skin. It took me many years to let all of that go. I made many choices in my life based on bad information and observation from these early years. I lost sight of my dreams, my self-worth, and my confidence.

Please know how strong and special you are. Know that other people’s problems are just that ~ their problems. People who judge and treat you (as people in your life did then) are themselves damaged in some way. They lash out to make themselves feel better. Enjoy your youth. Find ways to do the things that inspire you. Surround yourself with people who “get you”, who champion you, and who want the best for you.  Even at this age, you knew who those people were (and those who were not). Focus on the good. Let go of the bad. See people for who they are and let go of what doesn’t work for you. Even if they are family.  You will build a chosen family and they will have your back always. The right people will be drawn to you and love you for you. Always remember that.